Natural Darkness

Elizabeth Warren, H100 Staff

Sad people always try to make other people happy because they know how it is to feel worthless.” 







How do you think you can tell someone is depressed? The typical signs that you get in a little school brochure? The truth is, you can’t know when someone is depressed, or you can, and your mind just chooses to ignore it. We all have demons that come out and play, but for some they are out all day, taunting them, mocking them, making them not want to eat or overeat, some move slow, others too fast; those that move too quickly are trying to outrun their demons, but the demons always run faster than you can. Always. 

“Depressions exists without you knowing it, even denying it. It is not an illusion. You don’t even know you’re in it. It takes a while before you realize it.” –Ann Marie Aguilar 

You can’t know when you are going to go through an episode of depression, but when it hits, you never really know. Depression is not sadness, it is the feeling of drowning while still breathing, having everything swallow you whole and spit you out again into a darker place than you were. There is nothing that can indeed stop depression from happening, the medicine that doctor give can only delay it for a while; you may not be depressed, but others around you are, they’re meds are just working today. Some don’t take medicine to keep themselves afloat, some use music to drown out everything in the world, good and evil, this leaves them alone, but some of us like it that way. 

Alone. Alone is a funny word that a lot of people get mixed up with “lonely.” You can be in a room full of people that you know and care about and still feel lonely; then you can be in a place by yourself and know that there are people out there that are the same as you. Alone yet never lonely. Then you have the third case, alone and lonely; sitting alone in a dark room with no one that you can talk to except your books, movies, music, and the voices in your head. The voices that are there keeping repeating the past mistakes that have passed regrets that you never got over even though you thought you have, they are memories of darker times and even happier ones; the thoughts never stop, your mind is never empty. 

“[Depression] is like an everyday battle to be okay,” Shannon McKissick, a long-time sufferer of depression, says. “It feels like you are constantly trying to be something you’re not to make other happy and accept who you are instead of being yourself.” Shannon goes on to explain the effects of depression on not only her life but also the effect it had on her family. “This also led to both alcohol and drug abuse as a way to escape and forget about what was going on,” she comments. (McKissick). 

“Depression led to aggravation,” she says, “and the aggravation led to not only the harm to myself but also the harm of others around me. My fight or flight response was enhanced which caused me to shut in on myself, even now I still suffer through it.” She then talks about how many professionals have told her that it was hereditary—brought from, she believes, her father’s side—and that bipolar disorders can also be a cause of it. Over the years, she noticed that it seemed people outside of school and facing the problems of the real world were more effected by the symptoms of depression but refuse to admit it (McKissick). 

If anyone you know, or you, are suffering from depression contact 1-800-273-8255. You can find help, and we are here for you. Talk to someone that you trust, not just a friend that you’ve known your whole life, but a teacher or counselor. You are not alone. TCC.